attachment

i have recently found myself attached to various objects of affection.

kind of in the way one would find themselves attached to coffee, or cocaine. or hugs.

are hugs addictive?

can you overdose on tension-calming tea? like, how many tea packets would it take?

...wouldn't you just fall asleep?

it's a fairly lonely business. getting attached to things.

sometimes you can't really pull yourself off.

and when you do, it hurts. like a band-aid. one of those huge ones you had when you scraped open your whole shin as a little kid and it ripped off every little hair all at once when you finally took it off.

i wish people didn't assume things. it's just bad publicity, you know.

i wish i didn't have the memory that i do. forget to tell somebody they got a phone call, remember the exact look in the exact face of the exact someone while they said exactly the something they didn't even mean.

getting attached to things doesn't work out for anybody.

no matter the theory, no matter teh time.

are you ashamed yet? i wish you would be. it's been a while now, and you still haven't left. isn't it strange? the whole sticking-around bit? it ought not to be, but you know how things get.

happiness is a fleeting thing.

i'm tired tonight. i'm tired of night, tired of the fact that there aren't any stars left in the city because how do we know they're still there in the dark? tiny baby spiders crawl around as i paint and i don't want to kill them but i do. is it any worse to end a life before it is started? before mistakes are made, before people are bitten and bugs are killed?

it's just bad publicity, you know.

"You scare me," he said.
"I scare myself."
"Good."
"Hey, you weren't the one in my lap."
"Good."
"You know the staple remover holder?"
"Yeah?"
"You can use it as a holster and tie it to your belt loop and pretend it's a loaded weapon."
"NO WAY, REALLY?!"

"You scare me," they said.

honesty is one of the most important things in the world, and is something that most have long forgotten. more important than starlight. have they forgotten starlight too? oh dear.

i believe in the natural organization of thought the way some people believe in natural food growth, or natural childbirth. as something just much too meaningful to be forgotten.

there are some things i am very good about hiding. you, for instance. also most people can't tell when i'm nervous or afraid. i don't try to hide it. maybe it's just a reflex, to hide fear. you never can tell, really. some people stick around. and sometimes they hurt you.

but everything else, if you're anyone with observation abilities, is easily read. happiness and anger and all. except love. some people can't see that. pain. pain too. love and pain, those ones i try, but people's ears are closed. numbed with the absence of the stars.

i miss the stars.

a selfish part of me wants to leave it at that and go to sleep. but then you'd worry, won't you? ah, yes. people who stick around often worry. tis a good thing, he would say. tis a good thing. but, don't worry for tonight. i'll probably read through in the morning, after pouring coffee and changing my mind, without even knowing who it is i am talking to and why i never pressed the shift bar.

joy is just within sight.

we can see in the dark.