Boyfriends and Whales

I've never actually been 'asked out', which is something most students ages 5-10 have been. I'd like to think it's not because I am undateable in the eyes of a third grader, but really just because I'm not the kind of girl one would think to date.

Of course, it happened to everyone at some point. A cute little note passed under a desk, slipped into a lunchbox, stating in cute little handwriting something equally cute such as "I like you" or "Will you be my girlfriend?" And I was always such a magic-killer I'd say there's no point to being someone's girlfriend unless you get married or something, and no one should get married because marriage doesn't work.

Granted, this was the same kid that got dragged out of kindergarten for actively shunning the belief in Santa.

So I guess you could say there's this piece of my childhood missing. And I never really felt it was there, of course, until yesterday.

Things are always getting thrown at me. Usually on accident. And though I always pick up every piece of paper I come across, I have learned that most of the carefully folded and crumpled notes students throw to one another have nothing inside once you open them. Plus you look really stupid while doing it.

So I turned and looked and saw one very wide-eyed, very frightened boy and one laughing-mouthed, excited-looking friend.

I ripped a piece of paper to throw back. (Spanish is a very boring class.) Just as a thought, right before launching it, in case they might think to open it, I drew a whale.

And, a few seconds after throwing it, heard this:

"Oh my god. Oh. My god. How did this happen. She didn't OPEN it? How could it not have worked?! Our tactics were so certain to succeed! The plan was so sure! Oh my god!"

So I frantically searched under the desk until I found an almost invisible little folded up scrap of paper which read, with all the eloquence of a prince...

This really isn't the kind of thing that happens to me. I had no clue how to react. So I drew another whale and threw it back.

And got a second attempt:

And sent this:

And got this:

And sent this:

At one point, one of the pieces of folded-up paper hit the kid sitting in front of me, causing such a loud and sudden panic from the three in the back of the classroom that he quickly and nervously gave it back to me.

Class was almost over and I was very confused. This is because,

1- Keegan is a complete stranger,
2- No one ever wants to date me anyway, and,
3- This kid would probably run and cry if a girl held his hand.

And as I packed up, I overheard the friend coaching this Keegan kid:

"Dude. Dude. Dude. You have to go over there."
"I can't!"
"You have to get an answer OTHER THAN a whale."
"No."
"It's the only way, Keegan. She can't answer with a whale drawing if you ask her in person."
"But what if she does?"
"It's a chance we're willing to take."

After the bell rang I called Lafflin for advice.

He explained the situation of the whales to his mother, who was laughing loud enough for me to hear, and asked her what I should do.

"She said to be honest."

"Tell her she is very wise."

There is only one way to be honest.

MORAL OF THE STORY: When you can't say yes and you can't say no, say sea mammal.