Monday, January 14, 2013

The Second Snowball Fight (A True Story in Dialogue)

So I decided to see if I could tell a story accurately and in a way that made sense, without using anything but dialogue. This story especially would be hard to tell, because it took place walking home, and with just voices you can tell no real change in position or time, though I at times threw in some information in between the **'s. All you will know is who's talking and that we are, indeed, walking home from school, and it is a Wednesday afternoon.

The air is cold, but the sun is warm, and the trees have lost their December magic as the snowball warriors fight a new battle. The curtains open, and the story begins.


Me: ...

Ethan, Javier, and Stranger: ...

Me: ...

Ethan, Javier, and Stranger: ...

Me: ...Are you following me?

Ethan: "Shh. Don't move."

Javier: *laughing* "Oh, I can't do this anymore. Hey Shady."

Me: "Hey man. What's he doing?"

Ethan: "They can't move when you're looking at them."

Me: "Well then I'll just walk backwards. BEAT THAT, ETHAN."

Ethan: "F**k."

Stranger: *appreciative laughter*

Me: "Hey, where's Isaac?"

Javier: "Yeah, I know. He's like always with you...oh, here he comes."

Me: "ISAAC! You seen Lafflin's brother? We still gotta beat him up, remember?"

Isaac: ...

Javier: "Please don't tell me you're in with Ethan."

Ethan: "We're the Mafia. Don't move, or we'll shoot."

Stranger: *appreciative laughter*

Me: "Where do you guys even walk to every day?"

Isaac: "Ugh, you made me trip up! I can't do this anymore."

Javier: "Lakewood."

*discontinued conversation walking down a hill*

...

Isaac: "Hey, where'd Shady go?"

Isaac: "Shady?"

Me: "Is that...?"

Isaac: *panting* "Who?"

Me: *hands cupped to mouth* "LAFFF-LIN?"

...

Me: "Hey Lafflin!"

Isaac: *creepy Isaac voice* "Hey Lafflin."

Lafflin: "Hi."

Me: "What's up?"

Lafflin: "Not much."

Me: "So we don't get to beat up your brother today, huh?"

Lafflin: "Oh, anytime's fine."

Me: "I saw you like nudging him up the hill there, like, 'run away, run away!'"

Lafflin: "Nah, I was calling him a bitch."

Isaac: "PAHA."

Me: "Haha Lafflin! Language!"

Lafflin: "Well..."

..

Me: "...Ha! I looked at you and you kept moving!"

Ethan: "No! You were just- seeing things."

Stranger: "Yeah, seeing things."

Isaac: "So I hear you like Batman."

Lafflin: "Batman's the best."

Isaac: "WELL, SPIDERMAN'S WAY BETTER."

Lafflin: "How could you even compare?"

Me: "Dude, don't even go there. We all know Batman's the best there is."

Isaac: "Are you kidding?! Batman doesn't even have-"

Me: "Don't you DARE go there! Batman's powers come from HIM! It's like just because Peter Parker somehow got bit by a spider, just like ANYONE ELSE, it makes him a superhero."

Isaac: "Um, it was NOT random. Spiderman was destined to-"

Lafflin: "Have you even read DC? Marvel sucks."

Isaac: "WHOA. YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE."

Me: "Oh, I think he did."

Lafflin: "In all of the 8,000-something Batman comics-"

Isaac: "UM, HAVE YOU EVER READ CROSS-OVER? THE CROSS-OVER BETWEEN MARVEL AND DC?"

Lafflin: "Dude, Cross-Over was the worst thing that has ever happened to-"

Isaac: "WELL, SPIDERMAN IS WAY BETTER. I MEAN, AT LEAST HE HAS POWERS."

Me: "SPIDERMAN IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND AND IF YOU MAKE ME I SWEAR I WILL-"

Lafflin: "Batman has gadgets! Gadgets are way cool."

Isaac: "DUDE CROSS-OVER IS SO BEAST, YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND-"

Me: "Isaac, cross-over sucks. End of story. Batman wins, two to one."


Me: "Jake! Hey, it's Jake and Aaron! HEY HEY JAKE WHERE DO YOU LIVVVVVE??"

Jake: "..."

Me: "IMMA FOLLOW YOU HOMMMMME."

Jake: "...Oh, hey Shady."

Me: "Oh, somebody's calling me. Wait hold on- listen to the ringtone."

Ringtone: "These LUMPS aren't for SALE, BILLY!"

Lafflin and Isaac: *supportive, confused laughter*

Me: "Hello? ...Oh yeah, okay. No that's fine. I mean, at least you remembered at some point... Jacob's coming? Yeah, there's no rush, I'm fine. ...oh, why am I panting? ISAAC STOP YELLING. ISAAC. ISAAC. No yeah everything's cool. Tell him I'll be near there...ISAAC! IS- okay bye."

Ethan: "Who was that?"

Me: "My ride."

Javier: "You don't walk home?!"

Me: ".....well, I mean, they always forget, and I didn't want to be alone... LAFFLIN! Oh, you're going to pay for that one!"

...

(a moment of terrible and pitiful snowball-throwing, running, and panting)

...

Lafflin: "You never even hit me once."

Me: *groaning over knees* "Yeah, I'm kinda out of shape."

Lafflin: *groaning and panting* "I don't need to work out." *growly voice* "I'm Batman."

Isaac and Me: *raucous laughter*

Me: "So- wait, where were you guys supposed to be again?"

Isaac: "We were all walking to Lakewood."

Me: "Isn't that the other way?"

Isaac: "Well...we had to follow you. For the freeze-glare thing."

Ethan: *yelling from a ways away* "WE'RE GOING TO CANADA. ...FOR THE BAGS OF MILK."

Me: "...Lafflin, where do you live?"

Lafflin: *eyeing a house* "Like...right...near...here."

Me: "Ohhhkay, we'll be leaving then. Sorry for following you home!"

Isaac: "Bye Lafflin!!"

Me: "Have a good day!"

Lafflin: "Bye. :) "


...

Ethan, Javier, Isaac, and Stranger: "RGHRTHPAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Me: "JESUS-"

Ethan, Isaac, Javier, and Stranger: *laughter*

Isaac: "Oh, we got you."

Me: "Yeah, you got me. Now shut up before I shove you in those bushes."


-end-

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